Is this an interesting start for a story?
“Meeting at order!” Beren’s voice reverberated throughout the room. The sudden noise made my ever-changing skin go from Earthly tan to Elvin purple. Beren hit the gavel against the desk three times to earn our complete awareness. “Andricka,” Beren called.
A petite little girl stood up. Her hair was a sky blue color, and closer inspection showed me that her eyes were as well. Though, she had specks of white in them—symbolizing clouds. He attire was a lime green shirt, with dark blue shorts—they had a smiley face on them. As the turned to look at Beren, I caught a glimpse of metal. Such a small girl had a lip ring! Not to mention that she had a mischievous smile on her lips the whole time. Yes, the name ‘Andricka’ fits her.
“Yes?” She answered. A collective gasp flowed around the room. She didn’t say Sir! To our surprise, cruel Beren smiled and pulled her into a hug. He whispered something incoherent to my keen ears. Andricka’s smile became more genuine and she clapped her hands together once.
“Say hello to your new Sergeant,” she said while waving.
DON’T CRITICIZE MY GRAMMAR! xD please and thank you.
~<3x
Tagged with: 3x • changing skin • clouds • collective gasp • dark blue • ears • gavel • glimpse • grammar • lip ring • lips • little girl • mischievous smile • sergeant • small girl • smiley face • specks • sudden noise • three times • whole time
Filed under: Sound Therapy
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I like it..
a lot.
It is very attention grabbing and it makes me go "Woah this is odd. But a kind of odd that I would like to know more about."
I am resisting correcting your grammar. (Nah it really isn’t that bad.)
Good job!
I absolutely love it. Its incredibly interesting (and that grammar’s not too bad). Dude now I just want to know what happens ! lol
Good luck with the rest !
a little too descriptive for my liking …
it is also not consistent. parts of the story sounded mature, and then there were sentences/phrases that were very childish like "petite little girl", "such a small girl", etc. it seems like you are trying to follow a particular author’s style, but relapse into your own style of writing … you need to find a balance there
overall though, pretty intriguing
would love to read more.
Andricka sounds interesting.
I like it. ^_^
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